#143226
    Sam-I-Am
    Participant
    @sam-i-am

    @npaggett 131540 wrote:

    Then I moved and my world kind of fell apart. I made a few friendships but realized I wanted something more but had no idea how to find it. Eventually it worked out and I met a nice guy that also wasn’t looking for anything serious but just someone to have a connection with. A year on it is working well for us. A lot of people don’t get it, but I don’t care. Is this forever? No. It isn’t even serious. But it works.

    I’m glad things worked out for you.
    It sound like you’ve got things well in hand.

    #143233
    GrayCatLove
    Participant
    @graycatlove

    @npaggett 131540 wrote:

    I’m 28 and I’ve spent my 20s not dating. Long story short I have no good role models for a strong woman in a strong relationship. I’m not exaggerating when I say every woman in my life growing up was taken advantage of by the men they chose. Still are. Because of this, I’m not ashamed to say I am damaged when it comes to relationships. I have massive trust issues. So, I didn’t date. I’d hook up with a guy and never think twice about never talking to him again. I had school, work, friends and a busy social life. I didn’t need, nor did I have time for, a relationship.

    I’m glad you’ve found a relationship that has not only positive, but restorative, properties. I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying, although I grew up around women who never “shared the load” and expected to be “taken care of.” This wasn’t an arrangement of being a housewife, but there was still kvetching if there wasn’t help with housework, misuse of money, etc. It made me very hesitant to take anything from anyone because I never wanted to believe I was then obligated to offer up my body. I also never wanted to be taken advantage of. (These are trust issues.) A couple good-looking boys give you rabies a few times, you learn either how to settle with being alone or how to be more discriminating.

    Women are still seen very differently in society, whether we’re talking about women as professionals, women with tattoos, women who are single, women who are sexually active, whatever. I don’t think we’ll bridge that gap in my life time. And all the eye rolling from men in the world doesn’t make thousands of years of tradition go away; I’m not blaming anyone here. The dualistic way of thinking probably had merit when we rode horses and used oil lanterns as a primary light source after dark. But it’s a relevant topic now, and it’s interesting, at least to me, how thinking has and hasn’t changed.

    Enough babbling for this post.

    #143239
    poxphobia
    Participant
    @poxphobia

    Huh. It interesting reading this, because I do believe the society I live in, is so so different!
    I’ve been going out for about 6 years now, and I honestly can’t remember more than maybe 2-3 times a guy even offered to buy me a drink just off the bat.
    Friends, co-workers, people I’m friendly with(in a matter where it is perfectly clear that all there is, is friendship), people I’ve dated etc, yes. But strangers? People I just met? That NEVER happens. I’d never accept anyways, but still. On my 18th birthday(legal drinking age here), my dad made a joke about me not having to pay for drinks, and I just told him “I’ll pay for my own drinks, that way I don’t owe anyone anything.” Let’s just say, daddy was proud. So for his generation, it’s probably been a lot more common than for mine. I’ll be approached all the time, but I have yet to experience the “I’ll buy you a drink, you come home with me” scenario. It’s expected that if I go out, I can pay for my own damn drink/dinner etc.

    To me, the issue of taking something from someone, being taken care off etc… It’s just never been an issue :S Ofc I pay for my own drinks. Ofc, if I’m at dinner with someone, I offer to split the bill. (And most of the time, do!) If you get the movie tickets, I’ll get the popcorn, etc. Just.. Never been anything I’ve had to deal with, at all. Hell, if anything I’ve experienced more guys wanting to be catered on! 😛 No luck, buckethead.

    I’m OPENLY tattooed, educated, single and sexually active. Hell, I’m the girl who as late as two nights ago, stood in a bar, with a huge black eye, tattoos, a whisky in my hand, asking where the eye-candy went. I was treated perfectly fine by everyone.
    The thing I get asked the most about? My studies! Everything else is hardly ever an issue. Sure, some men are judgemental and don’t like tattoos. I steer away from them, which hasn’t been too hard. I’ve dated assholes too, everyone has, but most men I meet are wonderful. Not my type, but still.

    Maybe my standards are just different, my perception, I have no idea. But to me.. This subject about women being treated differently today? It just doesn’t reflect reality to me at all. Or I’ve just gotten really good at not giving a shit 😉

    (and by all means, I’ve had serious relationships and I expect to have them again. When I fall in love. I don’t stress that part much..)

    #143276
    GrayCatLove
    Participant
    @graycatlove

    You’re Norwegian. Arguably, there’s a lot more progress in terms of equality. Not that women can’t hold certain jobs or we’re treated like cattf le in the US, obviously, but there’s certain remaining social nuances that remain. There are still things in conservative society that ladies do and do not do. If you’re hanging with a liberal arts crowd, yeah, it’s fine.

    It’s not a problem with men. There’s definitely a problem with how we treat and expect men to behave that has to be addressed, as well.

    I get to deal with everyone from all walks of life where I work. You’re right. Most people are pretty nice, but they can also be judgmental, loud, obnoxious assholes the second something doesn’t go their way. I also spend most of my time being around people who are at their worst. However, to give you an idea: I had to SIGN A CONTRACT where I work stating I wouldn’t dye my hair any “unnatural” colors, have visible tattoos or piercings, etc. It scares people to death to see people with tattoos caring for them.

    Every once in awhile, some nurse, aide, or other staff member has a tattoo that shows and someone gets all pissy and complains. I hear maybe one a month in a 70 bed facility. It is ALWAYS about a woman. We have male staff with full sleeves and their shirts don’t always cover it. No one has ever complained to me. However, second time someone bitches about a visible tattoo, it’s a mandatory write-up. You think some genius would say, “Gee, this is a policy that hurts women and most of these exposures were accidental in nature, maybe we should revise…” Doesn’t happen.

    You’d be shocked how many people who are dying can find the energy to complain about the fact that we don’t stock Coca Cola to ankle tattoos.

    #143323
    Riyko
    Participant
    @riyko

    @GrayCatLove 131221 wrote:

    Where do you meet men that are okay with tattoos, or preferably LIKE the tattoos?

    Here :p, in all seriousness if you google tattooed singles you get tons of dating sites for those with tattoo’s. As for me I don’t know where to meet them here in Utah, then again it is Utah we are talking about.

    Since i’ve been single and back in Utah (i’m also a single mom), i’ve gone on dates but once the guy sees my tattoo’s he says he doesn’t like them, can’t date me etc then to add icing to the cake he also says me having a daughter is a big no for them. So as i see it until I leave this state i’ll be as single as can be 😀

    #143325
    anonymous
    Participant
    @anonymous

    I’m with GCL, Pox, it is different in Scandinavian countries than in the vast majority of the world. But I would argue that there are still issues in Norway, as well, but perhaps less stringent.

    I’m a little pissy about this issue right now given an incident at work. I work with all men. I am the only female in the company in the entire South Central (six states) region. There are roughly 700 employees in this region. Guess how much crap I get at work? I am in a position of authority over new hired and returning trainees (although I am not the trainer). Well, I overheard some wildly NSFW conversations and I stepped in and told them to stop. Was I offended? No. But it was not work appropriate and they needed to be redirected. Well, because it was of a sexual nature the trainer reported it to HR and guess who gets to drive 150 miles to discuss why I am “so sensitive” about “young guys relaxing on a break.”:mad: I wasn’t offended before, but they might have a problem on their hands now.

    But back on topic…I don’t go to dating sites for tattooed folks, I don’t go to specific bars, etc. I just talk about my tattoos with new people and see how they react. You can usually tell pretty quickly if they are going to get judgy. And, if they do, they aren’t worth your time. People that cannot see the beauty in the art you have decorated yourself with are blind in many ways. Move past and find interesting people that can appreciate how you decorate your temple.

    #143330
    Sam-I-Am
    Participant
    @sam-i-am

    From my own observation women have two types of tattoos.
    1) the little cute tattoo on her ankle, foot , or even wrist.
    2) what I refer to as a “substantial” tattoo. One on her arm, chest, neck, etc.

    A cute little tattoo says little about the person, but if she has a substantial tattoo I see a girl who’s not afraid to express herself. She usually has an outgoing personality. I like women like that but a lot of guys I know are afraid of a women with an opinion that’s not afraid to express it.

    Is this line of thinking relevant, or am I totally off the deep end?

    #143332
    poxphobia
    Participant
    @poxphobia

    True, Scandinavia is indeed different. Sure we have issues in society, with equality etc, everyone does! That’s why I’m asking if it might have to do with age as well. I’m sure in a lot of places and scenes I’d have completely different experiences.
    But it’s not like I’ve never been anywhere else.
    I’ve been out in Sicily, New York, Paris, Rome, Prague, Berlin, London, +++, and I’ve honestly never had issues like these.
    You’d expect conservatism in Sicily,but nope. Nothing. Been there seven times and I’ve never experienced a single rude remark. I’ve had old men in their 70s stop me because they think the art is beautiful! And old women, saying they wish they were young again and could do the same.
    But, going to new york and miami again in a few weeks, so we’ll see if I get a different experience 🙂
    (and I’m one of those who have zero issues with so called “nsfw” talks at work etc. So that part is waaay beyond my reality. I probably would’ve been the one instigating it.) Again; I’m the opposite of conservative. I’ve been an anarchist, metaller, rock’n roller, hippie, punk etc for 12 years now. I chose my path, my people, my community, and I am damn happy with my choices 🙂 And I might not get it as much, because it is very very clear upon laying eyes on me that I have some bodymods going on. Even fully covered up, I have 20mm in my ears, three piercings in my lip, a tattoo on my knuckle, had unnatural hair colours etc. So I don’t usually interact with people for a long time before they notice. So I suppose people who are very judgmental.. I avoid them, and they avoid me. Wonderful.
    I have a bigger issue with guys who are utterly normal and have none of the same interests as me, who fantasize about tattooed women.. Now those, are creepy!
    But I can sure understand that there might be an issue in more conservative circles, jobs, communities and countries. I was just offering what I’ve experienced, clearly you are all in quite different communities than me 🙂 Interesting hearing different sides!

    And Sam; I think you’re right. I must say I don’t much like being compared to a girl with a tiny little butterfly on her shoulder and never getting more. Two completely different kinds of being tattooed, in my opinion! (and yeah, opinionated etc… got that right! )

    #143334
    peterpoose
    Participant
    @peterpoose

    I live in London and have traveled across a lot of world but then again I am not a women. I have to admit I do not see any of this either. Maybe it is the smaller places and work places that it happens quite a bit.

    Sam you missed out number 3. The women with awful tattoos all over them. I know quite a few and they are the only ones around here that are treated like slags and sadly most of them are lol

    #143336
    poxphobia
    Participant
    @poxphobia

    @peterpoose 131657 wrote:

    I live in London and have traveled across a lot of world but then again I am not a women. I have to admit I do not see any of this either. Maybe it is the smaller places and work places that it happens quite a bit.

    Sam you missed out number 3. The women with awful tattoos all over them. I know quite a few and they are the only ones around here that are treated like slags and sadly most of them are lol

    yeah, I used to live in London, and at the time I even worked at a bar where a lot of people from City came… Never an issue. Remember one night very well though, a bunch of men came in, all working in finance, and one pulls up his shirt… Revealing an AMAZING japanese bodysuit. Turned out quite a few of them were heavily tattooed. Apparently their office must be quite the art show during summer! And they kept coming back for our viewings of David Lynch movies.
    But again, in London, girls with twenty piercings in their face and blue dreadlocks work for Chanel… If all else fails, back to London it is! ;D

    #143317
    Sam-I-Am
    Participant
    @sam-i-am

    @peterpoose 131657 wrote:

    Sam you missed out number 3. The women with awful tattoos all over them. I know quite a few and they are the only ones around here that are treated like slags and sadly most of them are lol

    I guess I blocked them out of my mind. Yes, definitely a number three catagory.

    Thanks!

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