Hi!
I’ve been working a while on a text/text-tattoo-design.
I’m from Sweden, and even though my english is quite
good, I need an advice from a person who speaks
english … I just wonder if my text is correct, if it
could have been written by someone with english
as native language … here goes:
it was time that said:
everytime you’re dead
all your starless days
fall to unknown grace
Yep, that’s it. If You think it blows, that itäs crap oetry – don’t respond at all 😉
I know it’s okay, as a poem, but it’s the grammar that worries me …
Cheers/Kim
Hi
Nice poem and I would have it like this
It was time that said:
Every time you’re dead,
all your starless days,
fall to unknown grace.
The colon represents a new sentence so start with a capital. (Although nobody will shoot you if you think looks better without).
The rest of the poem forms part of the same sentence although shown in a paragraph format.
Also ‘all’ is a minor word and does not need to be capitalised as not starting a new sentence or a name or noun.
Take Care
Matthew
Well thank You Matthew, for Your kind respons. I’m so happy You liked the poem. I would never ever have thought of the things You mentioned. I will consider Your information. Working with this text is an obsession -and it has to be – because the coming tattoo will be for life … and besides, I’m a poet, so I’m obsessed with details 7/24.
A hug/KL
Ladies & gentlemen …
Maybe this thread is dead, but anyways,
I’ve improved my little poem … the message
is the same, but I’ve expanded it all …
without bragging, I can say that I’m
pleased now … here is the final version …
It was ash that sighed.
It was clay that cried.
It was sand that said:
Everytime you’re dead,
all your starless days,
fall to unknown grace.
I will post an image when I’ve put this poem
on my arm. I think these six lines sums up
a great deal of my life (yes I’m a troubled soul
from time to time).
Ah, ehr, yes 🙂 I suppose You’re thinking
about the cost – well, I’ve thought of that,
and I will afford it, if I’m finally pleased
with text (after an eon of tinkering). It
will last for life, so a few swedish crowns
is no big deal. When it comes to letters,
aging of the tattoo, and possible blur
due to aging, I’ve thought of that to …
I will use Urania – a typwriter font. I
don’t want a fancy, detailed tattoo
that just becomes a mess with time …
I think ink nowdays is of godd quality,
but I want to be sure … well, that
was a long answer, but I just love
to communicate.
By the way, it’s about 27 letters 🙂
Peace and all/Kim
Argh, I meant 27 words of course (related to earlier post)
To Xenphobia: I’m not so sure about that. I think my
text-tattoo will cost about 3000 crowns, about 400
dollars. Here in Sweden we live with the impression
that everything in the US costs less than here …
but in any case, a tattoo can’t ever be cheap (if
it’s not a real small simple one). It’s supposed to last,
it demands an expert (in some caes a real artist),
and there’s hygienic stuff …
To Chining: that’s very kind of You, but I’ve thought
about this – I’ve scanned every kind of fontpage
on the web – and a typewriter-font it will be … but
thanx anyway …
Peace on earth/Kim
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