To boot, I’m a grown woman. With a conservative career. I’m a respectable member of my community. I don’t drink. I take care of my health, and I’m a pretty clean-liver except with the occasional slice of cheesecake and day in bed online watching TV. And the constant Diet Dr. Pepper and the Sugar Free Red Bull. Otherwise, I’m a good girl.
My tattoos are getting well, bigger. All are covered by conservative clothes. However, I do stuff like exercise, swim, and fun recreational stuff where I don’t wear Ann Taylor suits, lab coats, and scrub blues. But, in the past couple of months, things slipped out.
My artist who did my scar cover on my lower abdomen covering my big ol’ cancerous tumor scar did a job I’m happy with – It’s in my portfolio. He also did my little rose beneath the Tengwar, but given how casual clothes fit in such a way they slide up on the tummy due to a short waist and loose cut, it flashes during exercise. My dad said it was dumb, and left it alone. This is a pretty positive reaction from someone from the War Baby generation and he’s never mentioned it again or treated me differently.
My mother is not my work-out buddy, but she does see me occasionally in my modest little one piece bathing suit. I’ve never been a big showy dresser – I don’t have a Nikki Taylor bod, and I value modesty. (Thank you, War Baby Dad, for weird outdated morals.) Well, my big old Tengwar tattoo does show a little. However, this is a tattoo that has never offended anyone and often creates the most interesting conversations. People who see my little cherry blossom don’t say too much about it because it’s small and dull with age, the rose (a tribute to “A Rose in Misery” from Les Miserables is well-done, but simple, and the one on my abdomen is super cool, but I’ve not dated in a long time and while the girl/gay friends who’ve seen it think it’s cool and original, not a lot of exposure. The Tengwar one is the one that makes people go, “What is that?” which is kind of cool reaction for a text tattoo. However, Mama spotted the Tengwar after seeing it for the second time – The first time I just blew it off and said, “You see black WHAT?” (I know. Bad daughter.) Today, we take my little niece swimming, and she SCREECHES, “You have black ink on your back!” No, it’s my side, but yes, I have ink.
Her prejudice (and fit) in front of a child under age 10 was a bit surprising. She wanted to know why I’d waste money on it (because I make okay money and I don’t spend it on lavish crap like alcohol and cruises like other people in the family. She’s a Baby Boomer who is a gay rights advocate, so I was a bit surprised she’s been so unpleasant about a tattoo that isn’t visible in “regular” clothes. I don’t drink or smoke. I’ve never been in jail (unless you could fingerprinting for work reasons, then, yes, I have stepped in the jail. 😉 )
The child in me says, “I’m ready for a freaking back piece; I can’t believe she’s trying to control how I look as I approach 30. My hair doesn’t come pointed down over my years just right. I shouldn’t wear anything shorter than high rise jeans because my hips look big. (I’m about a size 2-4 in the US and a size 6 in the UK.) I’ll never “marry someone successful” because of “how I look.” Not kiddin’.
Anyone else deal with this? I understand it would be a detrimental move at this point in my career to get a forearm tattoo. However. I’d like to get a little back piece of a Chinese style tiger (symbolic of my little cat, that her little tiger spirit always has my back through my accomplishments throughout my life, but I shiver to think of more criticism. I hate to think of my own mother thinking less of me in spite of my accomplishment because I have tattoos that she sees (and tells everyone about in our small community). Today a friend of hers said he “knew things about me.” Considering my lack of partying, sex, drinking, smoking, or even so much as drinking a regular soda pop made with HFCS everyday, it could only mean my tattoos. Anyone lived through something so dumb? Please share your experiences and wisdom.
Hello G.C.L.
I’ve only had one questionable incident involving a stranger. This guy asked how much my tattoos cost. I said less than a motorcycle. I then pointed out that my peers are buying motorcycles in their mid to later mid life and I would rather express myself differently. I’ve had many positive conversations with all kinds of people.
I have an advantage (some advantage!) in that I’m an old fart that’s lived in the same town for 56 1/2 of my 57 years. I’m a curiosity as well as a fixture in town. There was a comment made during our primary election. Not because I have visible tattoos, but because I chose not to wear shoes.
You have an amazing career. I’m a railroader (great career, but not in the eyes of the public) I’m chairman of our Municipal Authority. I wear shorts to our meetings in the summer. Our Lutheran church has outside services in the summer, yes, shorts and bare feet.
If I was your age, things would be totally different. Please don’t get discouraged. As long as you’re job is secure don’t try to please everybody else. Don’t hide your skin art. Flaunt it. You need some witty come backs to rude comments. I’ve never done this, but when I’m getting shit from somebody I often thought of nonchalantly picking my nose.
My mom and dad would be horrified. But they would get used to it.
My favorite saying:”Time Wounds All Heels”
You sound insecure. Don’t be. Everyone who doesn’t love you for you can piss off.
Recently I went to our first family reunion in 10 years. Everyone was there. About 30 people.
Granted the reunion was on a lake at my uncles lake house and it was mid July. So I was like hell yeah I’m goin swimming.
The whole time I was so worried about being judged from my sleeves and back and ears. Finally I said screw it.
Put on my bathing suit and took my shirt off and walked right by everybody and dove off the dock. Low and behold….10 minutes later everyone else was coming out to swim. What a relief. And actually I only had one person comment. She was drunk and asked me “did those hurt?” And “will your ears ever close up?” I laughed and said yes and no. That was it. Not that I would have really cared if I did offend someone, most people don’t have the balls to express their opinions to a big burly tattooed guy anyways. But it was all good.
Before I even knew it I was catching all the grandkids sliding down the slide off the end of the dock and into the water.
Long story short. I was really stressed for nothing.
You do you. And everybody else worry about themselves.
@Sam-I-Am 130775 wrote:
Please don’t get discouraged. As long as you’re job is secure don’t try to please everybody else. Don’t hide your skin art. Flaunt it.”
Quoted for truth!!
I once sat through a meal in a restaurant with friends while the people at the table behind me had a conversation about how they thought that females shouldn’t get tattoos. Clearly they were talking about me. But that is pretty mild compared to having your mom hating on you. I feel so bad for you that your’s is making you feel like this.
It has been clear to me from my first tattoo that my very conservative mom doesn’t like that I have tattoos, but she has never said anything bad to me about them. She chooses to say nothing. She believes that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything. Her husband doesn’t approve either but when he expressed that opinion, on a phone call to her when she was with me, I heard her defend my right to do what I want with MY body. GO MOM!!
My advice? Next time mom gets on you, think about Sam’s nose picking advice. I bet just trying to keep a straight face will take a lot of the sting out of your mom’s words. (I mean just think about it, don’t actually do it.)
@Call_me_Lola 130779 wrote:
I heard her defend my right to do what I want with MY body. GO MOM!!
Thank you Lola!
My mom has never been very pleased with my body art either. However, I came home with a nose piercing at age 12, and begged for a tattoo (and eventually got one) at age 15. She really should be used to it by now, as I’m 23 soon.
But no. She still every once in a while comments “don’t get anymore now!” or something like that. At one point I just told her, that this is such a big part of who I am, my passion and my life, and that I really wish that I could share my enthusiasm about getting a new tattoo or seeing someone great with her. I assured her that they are thought through, that I know what I’m doing(she thinks I’m too impulsive. Yeah, 8 years now and it’s still a phase), and that it hurts me when she reacts like she does.
And that did help. She’s still not a fan, but I think she gets it a little bit better.
I can’t relate at all to conservatism and comments about modesty or how your community reacts because well… That just isn’t an issue over here.
A shitload of people have tattoos, and less and less people care. The conservatives are the black sheeps in our community.
I’ve had some negative comments from my dads friends(he loves them, though), and I usually just talk to them. If they think it’s ugly, I simply point out that it would be rather weird if a young girl and an old man found the same things pleasing, and how I am of a different generation. If they refuse to back of, I just point out how I love art, and I see no problem with me expressing that, and that even though I might not be a huge fan of their *whatever visible thing I can pick at, be it their expensive car, shirt, home decorations, whatnot*, I am too respectful to go about picking on someone elses life choices, because it’s none of my damn business.
Most of my family is so used to it by now. I thought my brother hated them, because he told me to not get more. Turned out; He was worried I’d run out of space, and not be able to get inked by amazing artists in other parts of the world later on in life.
@yodaddynukka 130787 wrote:
I live in California so o don’t get any reaction. Everyone is tattooed out here.
Same here in Seattle
Most mums will probably feel a little disheartened I guess by some form of body modifications. I guess they see it as when they brought you into the world you were clean and they spent many years looking after that healthy clean body. She has your best interests at heart even though she probably shows it wrong. Your parents also grew up in a different time, so I wouldn’t take it to heart 🙂
My mum is quite liberal, she has always practically let me try everything while growing up but even she is starting to say things like, its enough now, don’t get your whole body done, do it when I am dead and buried….Although she likes my tattoos she doesn’t want me going over the top.
When people say to me wow fuck me you spent so much money you could have spent on your future, to which I always say that I cant take the money with me, I want to enjoy shit when I am relatively young and I don’t really care when I am 70+ if I am rich or poor.
You said you live a clean life. You could be spending your money pissing it up the wall. People spend lots of money on drinking and drugs every weekend. I would easily spend £200 – £500 a week going out and have nothing to show for it. I did enjoy the times so I wouldn’t change a thing but now I don’t, so I choose to have other things to show for my money like tattoos and travelling 🙂
As for career, that can be a problem so as long as you are in a secure job or profession that will never have stigmas, then go for it 🙂 I went to price a job the other day in London at one of the largest barrister companies. They wouldn’t let me in lol so the project management had to go in and take photos for me and all that because of my sleeve that was showing, strange people but I do understand that the stigmas still exist.
Life is very fast, enjoy everything you can because what really counts on your death bed is that you used your time and was happy 🙂
I wish I had the time this morning to reply to each and every intelligent post, but thank you. I am insecure. I’m not 30. I’m getting referrals and requests. And while I know visible tattoos would change some of it, it can’t change all of it, and surely, honesty, integrity, and hard-work still stands for something.
And, Sam, without railroad workers, there’d be no civilized society.
I can relate somewhat as my parents are definitely not tattoo fans.
When I was 19 I was oblivious to the idea that, to some, a tattoo was highly offense. I left a note in the kitchen which said, “Gone to get tattoo. Back later”. Looking back I can’t even imagine how my parents must have reacted when they read that note. When I got home my mum was actually okay about it, which led me to believe that tattoos weren’t going to be a problem.
Fast forward 14 years I get my next tattoo in New Orleans. After we got back from our trip I saw my mum and she happened to catch a glace at my new tattoo. “What on Earth is that!?!” She was horrified, and I was quite shocked her reaction. She has since used ‘disgusting’ to describe tattoos, which is really disappointing to be honest. I love tattoos and I wish I could share that with my family, but I just don’t think it will ever happen – they don’t know about my back or my leg.
Reactions are amusing too; people are always surprised that I have tattoos as I am pretty old-fashioned in some ways. I can’t tell you the number of times people have said negative things about tattoos/people with tattoos in conversation, and when I pipe up and say I have some, they quickly back track and try and laugh it off.
I’ve had good reactions too. I went to a wedding last year and ended up endlessly being asked to show my leg to strangers who had seen me show someone else. I hope one day it won’t be a big deal and the negativity will end.
I would LOVE sleeves, but I think I might have to wait quite a while because of jobs – come on lottery win!
During my last day before I begin my three days of fourteen hour rounds at work, I’m reminded: You want a fucking tattoo, get a fucking tattoo. Don’t base it off your family’s approval or disapproval.
I’ll graduate this summer with an advanced practitioner’s degree after being a nurse for years. While cleaning my mother’s house, I was told, “You’re going to leave streaks on the windows!” and told how I’d never learned to do anything useful in my life. (We skipped over that whole saving lives shit, but I can also vacuum and use Windex.) It’s not the tattoos. My mother’s just a hateful human being. Disregard the OP.
Maybe instead of hiding it, you should set your parents down and talk to them. Tell them this is a part of you, you are an adult and you are going to do it. Tell them they don’t have to like it, but it makes you feel bad when they talk down about it.
Or just tell them to piss off, depending on your relationship.
Either way, I would just put it out there. Trying to keep it hidden and not speaking of it is just causing extra stress for you.
I’ve caught hell from people, both in family and at work for having tattoos on my forearms. Everything from “Why would you do that” to “That is the dumbest thing I have ever seen.” They just have to deal with it. Luckily though, I have had a lot more positive reactions than negative ones.
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